"That's comedy!"

Joke

D-Lee — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 17:50:35 -0800

An old woman and old man are sitting in the living room watching TV. A commercial comes on for Viagra.

Old man: (jumps out of his chair and starts putting on his jacket and boots).

Old woman: Where do you think you are going?

Old man: To the doctor.

Old woman: What for?

Old man: I am going to get me some of them Viagra pills.

Old woman: (Sits in chair, thinking. Jumps out of her chair and gets on her coat and boots)

Old man: Where are YOU going?

Old woman: I am going with you to the doctor.

Old man: What for?

Old woman: If you are going to start using that rusty old thing, I'm getting a tetanus shot!

Wonderful Definitions

Iveenia — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 04:25:16 -0800

School: A place where Papa pays and Son plays.
Life Insurance: A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die Rich.
Nurse: A person who wakes u up to give you sleeping pills.
Marriage: It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters.
Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by feminine waterpower.
Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either"
Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
Dictionary: A place where success comes before work. Conference
Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.
Father: A banker provided by nature.
Criminal: A guy no different from the rest.... except that he got caught.
Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
Politician: One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after?
Doctor: A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you by bills.
Classics: Books, which people praise, but do not read.
Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouths.
Etc.: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
Experience: The name men give to their mistakes. Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.
Philosopher: A fool who torments himself during life, to be wise

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not finishing this blog with a pic but a quote:

America is the country where you can buy a lifetime supply of aspirin For one dollar and use it up in two weeks. John Barrymore

DADDY - HOW WAS I BORN?????

Iveenia — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 06:02:19 -0800

A little boy goes to his father and asks 'Daddy, how was I born?'

The father answers, 'Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, and googled each other. There your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said:

Scroll down...You'll love this ....

YOU GOT MALE

Marriage Quotes - i HAD to share this with ALL OF YOU

Iveenia — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 00:11:43 -0700

My wife never lies about her age. She just tells everyone she's as old as I am. Then she lies about my age.- Robert Orben

The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once. - E. Joseph Cossman

My health is good; it's my age that's bad. - Roy Acuff

There are three signs of old age: loss of memory ... I forget the other two. - Red Skelton

Once my wife gave me a wonderful birthday present. She let me win an argument. - Anonymous

I was the best man at the wedding. So why is she marrying him? - Jerry Seinfeld

Marriage is like a violin. After the beautiful music is over, the strings are still attached. -Jacob Braude

My husband will never chase another woman. He's too fine, too decent, too old. - Grade Allen

Never get married in the morning, because you never know who you'll meet that night.- Paul Hornung

I remember when I got married. I remember where I got married. But for the life of me, I can't remember why I got married.- Anonymous

American women expect to find in their husbands a perfection that English women only hope to find in their butlers - W. Somerset

Men have a much better time of it than women. For one thing, they marry later. For another thing, they die earlier. - H. L. Mencken

Can you imagine a world without men? No crime and lots of happy fat women.- Marion Smith

Men like cars, women like clothes. Women only like cars because they take them to clothes. - Rita Rudner

could NOT resist...

Iveenia — Wed, 16 Sep 2009 01:15:14 -0700

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House in Washington, D.C.

One from Bangladesh , another from India and the third, from China .. They go with a White House official to examine the
fence.

The Bangladeshi contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with
a pencil. "Well", he says, "I figure the job will run about $900. ($400 for materials, $400 for my team and $100 profit for me)".

The Chinese contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do this job for $700.
($300 for materials, $300 for my team and $100 profit for me)".

The Indian contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers,
"$2,700."

The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up
with such a high figure?"

The Indian contractor whispers back, "$1000 for you, $1000 for me, and we hire the guy from China to fix the fence."

"Done!"
replies the government official

my conclusion:
it is not only abt the PRICE - it is also abt communication and the skill to talk people into sth - right?

SOMETHING FOR US LADIES :)

Iveenia — Fri, 11 Sep 2009 11:44:41 -0700

a man - so long - not only one man - let us see to all men i have ever designed - :) my fave and my love = PAN - wow - even so he is blond... LOL OMG - i should have blogged this in Visual Arts Forge and Foundry - LOL - that really is a comedy :ROTFL:

View Slideshow ›

THE CAT CASE - fm Mahen - Indian Web

Iveenia — Tue, 01 Sep 2009 13:32:43 -0700

A man who absolutely hated his wife's cat decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park. As he was nearing home, the cat was walking up the driveway.The next day, he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away and try the same thing.
As he was driving back into his driveway, there was the cat! He kept taking the cat farther and farther away, but the darn cat would always beat him home. At last, he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right and so on until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and he left the cat there.Hours later, the man calls home to his wife: "Jen, is the cat there?"."Yes," the wife answers. " Why do you ask?" Frustrated, the man answers: "Put that damn cat on the phone. I'm lost and I need directions!"

LETTER TO GOD - Fm Mahen Soni - Indian Web

Iveenia — Tue, 01 Sep 2009 11:12:36 -0700

A little boy wanted Rs.50 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened.
Finally he decided to write God a letter requesting the Rs.50.
When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to God, INDIA, they decided to forward
it to the Prresident of the India as a joke.
The President was so amused, that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy Rs.20.
The President thought this would appear to be a lot of money (Rs.50) to a little boy,
and he did not want to spoil the kid.
The little boy was delighted with Rs.20, and decided to write a thank you note to God,
which read:
"Dear God: Thank you very much for sending the money.
However, I noticed that you sent it through the

Rashtrapati Bhavan in New Delhi, and those donkeys deducted Rs.30 as tax ... "

35 Years of Marriage - fm Rajesh - Indian Web

Iveenia — Sun, 30 Aug 2009 03:58:07 -0700

An elderly man in Mumbai calls his son in New York and says, 'I hate to ruin your day son, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are getting a divorce; 35 years of marriage... and that much misery is enough!'

'Dad, what are you talking about?' the son screams.

'We can't stand the sight of each other any longer,' the old man says. 'We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Hong Kong and tell her!'

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. 'Like heck they're getting divorced,' she shouts, 'I'll take care of this.'

She calls Mumbai immediately, and screams at the old man, 'You are not getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then , don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR??' and she hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. 'Okay', he says, 'It's all set. They're both coming for our anniversary and paying their own airfare!!'

MORAL:

No man / woman is busy in this world all 365 days.
The sky is not going to fall down if you take few days LEAVE and meet your dear ones.

OFFICE WORK IS NOT EVERYTHING IN LIFE and MONEY MAKING IS NOT EVERYTHING IN LIFE.

Reflections...

Iveenia — Wed, 26 Aug 2009 09:24:02 -0700

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
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I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

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Do you have trouble making up your mind? Well, yes or no?

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When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.

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Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

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Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need more.(Friend or Money !)

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There are three sides to any argument: your side, my side and the right side.
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An consultant is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.
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Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.
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When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.

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Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking.

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Cheer up, the worst is yet to come.

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Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.

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