My wife never lies about her age. She just tells everyone she's as old as I am. Then she lies about my age.- Robert Orben

The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once. - E. Joseph Cossman

My health is good; it's my age that's bad. - Roy Acuff

There are three signs of old age: loss of memory ... I forget the other two. - Red Skelton

Once my wife gave me a wonderful birthday present. She let me win an argument. - Anonymous

I was the best man at the wedding. So why is she marrying him? - Jerry Seinfeld

Marriage is like a violin. After the beautiful music is over, the strings are still attached. -Jacob Braude

My husband will never chase another woman. He's too fine, too decent, too old. - Grade Allen

Never get married in the morning, because you never know who you'll meet that night.- Paul Hornung

I remember when I got married. I remember where I got married. But for the life of me, I can't remember why I got married.- Anonymous

American women expect to find in their husbands a perfection that English women only hope to find in their butlers - W. Somerset

Men have a much better time of it than women. For one thing, they marry later. For another thing, they die earlier. - H. L. Mencken

Can you imagine a world without men? No crime and lots of happy fat women.- Marion Smith

Men like cars, women like clothes. Women only like cars because they take them to clothes. - Rita Rudner