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D-Lee Joke Nov 14, 2009 5:50 PM     An old woman and old man are sitting in the living room watching TV.  A commercial comes on for Viagra.   Old man:  (jumps out of his chair and starts putting on his jacket and boots).   Old woman:  Where do you think you are going?   Old man:  To the doctor.   Old woman:  What for?   Old man:  I am going to get me some of them Viagra pills.   Old woman:  (Sits in chair, thinking.  Jumps out of her chair and gets on her coat and boots)   Old man:  Where are YOU going?   Old woman:  I am going with you to the doctor.   Old man:  What for?   Old woman:  If you are going to start using that rusty old thing, I'm getting a tetanus shot!    
Iveenia Wonderful Definitions Nov 14, 2009 4:25 AM School: A place where Papa pays and Son plays. Life Insurance: A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die Rich. Nurse: A person who wakes u up to give you sleeping pills. Marriage: It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters. Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by feminine waterpower. Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either" Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present. Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece. Dictionary: A place where success comes before work. Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on. Father: A banker provided by nature. Criminal: A guy no different from the rest.... except that he got caught. Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early. Politician: One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after? Doctor: A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you by bills. Classics: Books, which people praise, but do not read. Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight. Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life. Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouths. Etc.: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do. Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together. Experience: The name men give to their mistakes. Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions. Philosopher: A fool who torments himself during life, to be wise   **********   not finishing this blog with a pic but a quote:   America is the country where you can buy a lifetime supply of aspirin For one dollar and use it up in two weeks. John Barrymore
Iveenia DADDY - HOW WAS I BORN????? Nov 10, 2009 6:02 AM A little boy goes to his father and asks 'Daddy, how was I born?' The father answers, 'Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, and googled each other. There your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said: Scroll down...You'll love this .... * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * YOU GOT MALE :ROTFL:
Iveenia Marriage Quotes - i HAD to share this with ALL OF YOU Oct 28, 2009 12:11 AM My wife never lies about her age. She just tells everyone she's as old as I am. Then she lies about my age.- Robert Orben The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once. - E. Joseph Cossman My health is good; it's my age that's bad. - Roy Acuff There are three signs of old age: loss of memory ... I forget the other two. - Red Skelton Once my wife gave me a wonderful birthday present. She let me win an argument. - Anonymous I was the best man at the wedding. So why is she marrying him? - Jerry Seinfeld Marriage is like a violin. After the beautiful music is over, the strings are still attached. -Jacob Braude My husband will never chase another woman. He's too fine, too decent, too old. - Grade Allen Never get married in the morning, because you never know who you'll meet that night.- Paul Hornung I remember when I got married. I remember where I got married. But for the life of me, I can't remember why I got married.- Anonymous American women expect to find in their husbands a perfection that English women only hope to find in their butlers - W. Somerset Men have a much better time of it than women. For one thing, they marry later. For another thing, they die earlier. - H. L. Mencken Can you imagine a world without men? No crime and lots of happy fat women.- Marion Smith Men like cars, women like clothes. Women only like cars because they take them to clothes. - Rita Rudner
Iveenia could NOT resist... Sep 16, 2009 1:15 AM Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House in Washington, D.C. One from Bangladesh , another from India and the third, from China .. They go with a White House official to examine the fence. The Bangladeshi contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. "Well", he says, "I figure the job will run about $900. ($400 for materials, $400 for my team and $100 profit for me)". The Chinese contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do this job for $700. ($300 for materials, $300 for my team and $100 profit for me)". The Indian contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, "$2,700." The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?" The Indian contractor whispers back, "$1000 for you, $1000 for me, and we hire the guy from China to fix the fence." "Done!" replies the government official my conclusion: it is not only abt the PRICE - it is also abt communication and the skill to talk people into sth - right?

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